I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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