Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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