I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
