I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
