either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
