Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
