is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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