If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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