Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
