I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
