Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
