I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
