Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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