Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
