so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
