In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
