who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
