tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
