I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
