I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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