I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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