i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
