Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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