I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
