she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
