piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
