something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
