yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
