I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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