For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
