Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we're making bets on your personal life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize