I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize