I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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