Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
