ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
