Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
