Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my shit smells like andre
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
