I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
