Please, let me fuck your mom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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