During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
third nipple confirmed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
