I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
