Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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