I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
