Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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