Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
