is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
