Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
