That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, beer. Big fan.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
