The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
