One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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