i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
