Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
