he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
