we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
