Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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