we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
