Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
