Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
