I want to have your abortion
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
