I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
