For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
