Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
