it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize