Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
