I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
