So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
