She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
