Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
