just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
