Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
