Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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