you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
