Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
