im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
